How Dare You Break My Lonely Heart

Today was a rough day with Mistah Jay.

I went to go hug him hello, as I normally do. He very violently slipped from my arms (he was sitting down in a chair) and turned to glare at me, tensing up his whole body. I almost fell down. I looked at him and just went; "Okay. That's fine." He remained in his dramatic frozen pose for several seconds.

Whatever. I don't have time for that kind of horseplay today. I sat down and got to my homework that was due before seven so I could participate in a live chat with my partner for English. It took me the better part of the morning, because I had to annotate.

Mistah Jay stared at me as I hugged my friend, went to the bathroom, got lunch, ate my lunch, got another friend's portable hard drive so I could have some new movies, and packed up for class. I didn't speak to him, even when he spoke to me.

I do realize this was petty as hell. I do understand this makes me a bitch. I don't disagree. I wanted him to be upset, because I was upset. I wanted him to understand that he doesn't get to be a jerk to me and then decide he's done with that, and I should just be okay.

So before I left, everyone was teasing me, as we do in our group. Mistah Jay wanted to participate.

"Hey, Tai!"
*ignore*
"Taaaai."
*ignore*
"TAAAAAAI. TAI! Taaaaaaima."
*ignore*
"I'll break your legs so you can't go to class!"

...Really? Okay. Whatever. At least I won't have to see him until Tuesday. I came back from class a little early, and realized that my lappity toppity box wasn't recognizing that USB cables were plugged in. I was messing with it when Mistah Jay came in.

"Oh! What's wrong?"
"A thing broke."
"What thing?"
"A port."
"I can fix it, let me see, hon." he was standing so close to me, so I could smell him. His cheek was right next to mine. I was so tempted to lean into him.
"No, thanks! I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
"FINE! I JUST THOUGHT I'D ASK!" he stomped back over to his half of the table.

I was rude. I own that. I was rude because what am I supposed to do? Just be perfectly fine when he decides it's time to be fine? I think he probably realized I was upset with him and felt bad. But he didn't apologize.

I finally went into the bathroom to cry while a couple friends tried to fix it. I'd had enough of this week.

I came back and turned the laptop off and on, and everything was fine. But one kid who doesn't come around a lot and is a dick went; "I stuck my dick in them!"
"Well, they're USB ports, and not micro USB ports..."
"Oh, I see what you did there." everyone laughed. Joke over, right? Nope. "Just so you know, you come off as a bitch."
"I know."
"You come off REALLY mean."
"I KNOW."
"Everyone thinks that about you."
"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOU GODDAMN OPINION."
"Well we have free speech so I can say whatever I want."

Really dude? Mistah Jay looked at him and just shook his head, and the kid stopped talking. I left without saying goodbye. He looked heartbroken when I left.

I'm irritated. Why is it okay for him to just DECIDE when we can be close. If he didn't want to be touched, he didn't have to be an ass. And he wasn't just having a bad day, you know? It was more that he JUST treats me like that and he JUST does things that upset me.

One of my friends, Nandi, thinks that I should just "forget about him" and move on. It isn't that easy. If that was easy, I would have done it. I wouldn't be this hurt by the things that he does to me.

In BETTER news, yesterday I was out with my friend Something Mysterious and... I totally pierced my belly button. It hurts but makes me feel AWESOME.