Sunday, November 27, 2011

Organically Expensively GOOD FOR YOU

I'm wondering how I really feel about this whole ORGANIC EVARYTHIIIIIIING movement that's going on.

I buy organic all natural bull shit for my skin. Why? Because my skin is a delicate fucking princess and can't stand a lot of stuff. I hate doing it most of the time, because shit's expensive. A bottle of facial cleanser cost me ten dollars. TEN DOLLARS! It wasn't a big bottle! I know a dab'll do ya, but good Lord.

I can't believe some of the prices they charge for organic stuff. I don't buy say, organic dish washing liquid (Dawn for me! From the discount store because it's like, two dollars cheaper there!) or laundry detergent (because vinegar and baking soda is cheaper and better for your machine/clothes). Most of the green/organic things I don't do because I'm a snob, I do it because I'm cheap.

I know someone who buys all the organic all natural stuff she can, because it's better for her and her daughter. That's awesome. I can't afford that. Why are the organic bananas a billion dollars more the regular, chemical laden bananas?

I've heard it has to do with production. They don't make as many bananas, so they have to charge more to make the same profit as the regular banana people. (Heh, regular. Like organic is abnormal!)

You know what though? I don't feel like most of the organic stuff works that much better than the regular stuff. I don't feel like organic fruit leather tastes different than the regular kind. I don't feel like organic bananas taste different. Organic meat tastes slightly different. Maybe I'm just uncultured, though.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Ho Ho Fucking Ho

I went Black Friday shopping. There were TONS of good deals, I saved LOADS of money, and I got all my shopping done. Or rather, that which wasn't being done via Internet is done.

I shopped for about fourteen hours. Two hours of that was a nap in the parking lot of Menard's. I begged for the nap, because we had been going since eight pm and I was exhausted.

I got three nose bleeds (I've been having nose bleeds lately. They're not terrible, just gross and irritating, especially in dance class). I almost fainted in Wal Mart. When I was done, lugging my bags into my house, all I could think was; "Everyone better fucking love me this year."

It was nice to be able to buy people nice things that I thought they'd really like. And don't get me wrong, there are some things that I bought for myself. I found Jackass 3 for ten dollars, and I got that. I found a twenty dollar beanie hat for five dollars, and I bought it. Ten dollar blanket for six dollars became mine, along with an extra firm side sleeper pillow. I hate sleeping with pillows because I'm a picky bitch, but this one seems decent.

I also got a brush for dry brushing and some hoity toity hypo allergenic all natural facial cleanser. I almost had a heart attack, I usually get my cosmetics for less than five dollars. Yay chemicals!

Anyhow, here are things I thought about while doing my stint in Consumerism Hell.

1. I hate buying presents for couples. They usually get you ONE present, and you either have to get them one really nice present, or two presents. No! There are TWO of you and ONE of me! I think we all should all get one decent present if we're even doing presents!

2. Godfuckingdammit, why is that people over thirty forget to stand in line? Suddenly there are people cutting and line jumping and arguing and pinning me into a six inch space with their carts because they REALLY wanna check out. Hi, I know kindergartners that know how to stand in line. Maybe we can have them come and give the rest of us a lesson! Likewise, sighing and tossing your hair and whining won't make the line go faster. Yes, it's a two hour line. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you want to go home. I do too!

3. Little kids have way more stamina than me. They can go all night and still be bouncing off the walls! I wish I had that energy still.

4. When you're desperate, anything is suddenly a good present.

5. When you come home sleep deprived and come home, suddenly you will realize that you have to store all this crap in your home until Christmas. December first is suddenly an amazing time to give presents!

6. Also you'll forget what you bought who.

7. Also, when finished shopping, you'll want a taco. And Taco Bell won't be open, which is why you'll take a nap at Menard's.

Friday, November 11, 2011

No Meijer, Five Dollars Won't Buy My Silence.

I bought an external hard drive last month. I had to send in my laptop to Toshiba to get a new battery. I bought the hard drive to back things up. And luck of luck! Meijer had a 2 TB! FOR EIGHTY DOLLARS!

You better believe I snatched the thing up. I got the last one! I bought the extended warranty because, well, why not, right? It can't hurt!

My hard drive, after a month of use, died. Would turn on, but not spin or actually do things a hard drive does. Gross, right?

Well thank God for that warranty! Because Western Digital, the company that made the product, couldn't replace it. They said Meijer could. Hooray!

Only Meijer said WD had to replace it. Well no, actually. You do. We were going to do an even exchange, only--my product doesn't exist anymore. Discontinued. Which was why it was on super sale to begin with, I suppose. If I'd known, I wouldn't have bought it, or I certainly wouldn't have bothered with a warranty. Strangely enough, there was still a sale tag and a place for it on the shelf...

A month later. We pointed out the tag was there. "Well sometimes they get busy." A month later? You're that busy?

The girl at the courtesy desk shrugged and said she'd refund us for the old HDD, but we'd have to cover the fifty three dollar increase in the new one. It's the same product, only with USB 3.0... But--my warranty? Oh well, that's actually not really theirs, you see. It's from a third party company. And well, they might send me a check or a gift card, but no, they wouldn't really replace my item.

So what was my warranty for? I mean, I was told when I purchased it, it would serve to replace my item. Only not? I guess? I'm confused.

I got the manager, who said he'd give the item at cost. Okay, cool? Oh but I'd have to REPURCHASE my warranty. Seriously. What? I did for reasons I can't understand, because it didn't help in the end. I had to pay forty dollars over my original price.

The manager scurried away after this while the girl at the counter haughtily told us they didn't HAVE to do this, so we should be happy. I'm happy I have to pay forty dollars more?

So, for whatever reason, I sought out more shopping. There were things on clearance that I thought might make good presents for several little kids I know. The items were on fifty five percent clearance, so of COURSE they were cheaper.

...And then they scanned incorrectly at the U-Scan. We went BACK to the service desk. We'd run into the manager again, and my mother made a comment to him about how old this was, and how we really didn't have much incentive to come back to the store. We were also told by the girl at the counter that we had run the U-Scan incorrectly. Oh, okay. Actually, one of the items refused to scan at all, so we had to get someone. The tags were bad. We mentioned that, and the girl goes; "Oh yeah, that happens. But you have to remember to scan the new tags." "...We did?" "Oh, then I don't know how that would happen."

Well, I don't either. I don't work here. But don't blame your tags being strange on me.

The manager sent a five dollar gift card to us via another employee who had nothing to do with it. I felt bad for the poor girl, because I was actually enraged. What are you doing, buying my silence? It didn't work, Meijer!

I sent in a complaint. Ugh. I know where I won't be doing any more of my shopping. I'd rather drive out to Wal-Mart across town than go there again. At least Wal-Mart tries to be helpful.