Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Who Won't Play Games Behind Me

The confidence giver and I are talking again.

It's wonderful and strange and I hate it and love it.

He watches me when my back is turned. I don't know whether I should be happy he looks at me, or sad that he can't do it when I'm facing him. He's apologized for everything that he did. And he gave me the reasons.

I can't quite fault him, either.

But anyway.

He says certain things just to piss me off. He pushes my buttons in ways that only he can. Should I be happy that he's interacting with me, doing things just to see me angry? Or should I hate that he's not coming up to kiss me on the cheek and ask me how my day is?

These are the questions that I can't ask him. That would be laying out my hand. That would be breaking the rules. I've always hated rules, but this is one of the most important games that I have ever played.

If I lose, I lose YOU. If you lose, you lose me. And even if we can't have each other in the capacity we're dying for right now, we can't stand to not have one another at all.

Oh darling, I just want to hear you love me again.

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