Ho Ho Fucking Ho

I went Black Friday shopping. There were TONS of good deals, I saved LOADS of money, and I got all my shopping done. Or rather, that which wasn't being done via Internet is done.

I shopped for about fourteen hours. Two hours of that was a nap in the parking lot of Menard's. I begged for the nap, because we had been going since eight pm and I was exhausted.

I got three nose bleeds (I've been having nose bleeds lately. They're not terrible, just gross and irritating, especially in dance class). I almost fainted in Wal Mart. When I was done, lugging my bags into my house, all I could think was; "Everyone better fucking love me this year."

It was nice to be able to buy people nice things that I thought they'd really like. And don't get me wrong, there are some things that I bought for myself. I found Jackass 3 for ten dollars, and I got that. I found a twenty dollar beanie hat for five dollars, and I bought it. Ten dollar blanket for six dollars became mine, along with an extra firm side sleeper pillow. I hate sleeping with pillows because I'm a picky bitch, but this one seems decent.

I also got a brush for dry brushing and some hoity toity hypo allergenic all natural facial cleanser. I almost had a heart attack, I usually get my cosmetics for less than five dollars. Yay chemicals!

Anyhow, here are things I thought about while doing my stint in Consumerism Hell.

1. I hate buying presents for couples. They usually get you ONE present, and you either have to get them one really nice present, or two presents. No! There are TWO of you and ONE of me! I think we all should all get one decent present if we're even doing presents!

2. Godfuckingdammit, why is that people over thirty forget to stand in line? Suddenly there are people cutting and line jumping and arguing and pinning me into a six inch space with their carts because they REALLY wanna check out. Hi, I know kindergartners that know how to stand in line. Maybe we can have them come and give the rest of us a lesson! Likewise, sighing and tossing your hair and whining won't make the line go faster. Yes, it's a two hour line. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you want to go home. I do too!

3. Little kids have way more stamina than me. They can go all night and still be bouncing off the walls! I wish I had that energy still.

4. When you're desperate, anything is suddenly a good present.

5. When you come home sleep deprived and come home, suddenly you will realize that you have to store all this crap in your home until Christmas. December first is suddenly an amazing time to give presents!

6. Also you'll forget what you bought who.

7. Also, when finished shopping, you'll want a taco. And Taco Bell won't be open, which is why you'll take a nap at Menard's.