Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I Hope You Enjoy The Six Bucks

Dear Person Who Has My Wallet,

Perhaps you were very hungry and thought that there was something of value in my wallet, like a credit or debit card. There was not. Perhaps you thought there was an abundance of cash. There was not. Perhaps you thought there was something that you enable you to tap into my identity. There was not.

I am not sure the means to which you acquired my beloved wallet. It was brand new, you know, just purchased this weekend. I am a Batman fangirl and I have never before seen a wallet with the Batman symbol on it that was intended for girls. Anyway, I am pretty certain my wallet was in my purse or otherwise on my person. I am not sure how you got it.

I could have dropped. I do drop things. I doubt I did. Even if I did, the point is that you are now in possession of my wallet and have not given it back. Why? Why have you not given it back? Are you GoogleMap searching my home? Are you planning to sacrifice my wallet to some dark god?

I hope not, because that's mojo that I don't need.

There was nothing in my wallet that was of value. There was six dollars for my dinner, and you can keep that if you return the wallet. There were two cards; one from Magic the Gathering and the other was a Pokemon card. You may not keep these. They are not worth money. They only have worth to me. Give them back.

As for my IDs, well, you are clearly not me. So why would you be able to use them? Yes, I am twenty one, so you could try to buy liquor, but--well, you're not me and I doubt you look like a short white girl with dirty glasses and frizzy hair and a smirk too smug for her own good.

Then there is my insurance card. I suppose you could use them in conjunction with my ID to get some kind of medical care. But you do not know my social security number, date of birth, known allergies... You're going to have a hard time pulling that one off.

In conclusion, please return my wallet. I miss it.



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